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On Being A Dick And Getting Over It

By August 10, 2016 February 1st, 2019 No Comments

As I was sitting on a screen porch overlooking a tranquil lake on a recent weekend morning, I was also quietly seething. Before hitting send on a hasty email, I passed my laptop over to a close, male friend to read the email source of my discontent. His reaction was quick and accurate:

“Damn, you gals have it tough”.

The email was passive, aggressive (in the mind of the recipient, me), and I would suggest it was sent as honest, transparent dialog (in the mind of the sender). It was the type of email that, if it was part of an exchange between two guys, could have been easily dispensed with a “You’re being a dick.” Succinct. Efficient. No hard feelings. Dispute resolved and onward to problem-solving or having a beer or whatever…

I wish I could have sent a “you’re being a dick” email.

Rather, I had to ponder an “appropriate” response lest I become a thoughtless, inconsiderate bitch or shrill or maybe just simply “difficult” because of my response.

Why isn’t there an easy way for a woman to react without the real or imagined spiral into bitchdom?

Instead, I pondered. Crafted a draft response, re-wrote it, edited it, had my friend review it…then I hit send only once I had his “good”. And I still had to write about it in this week’s newsletter before I was able to let it go, completely.

Yes, sometimes we make it too damn tough.

via Sam Bevington

J. Kelly Hoey

J. Kelly Hoey

Kelly Hoey is the author of Build Your Dream Network (January 2017 / Tarcher Perigee). She has been lauded from Forbes (“1 of 5 Women Changing the World of VC/Entrepreneurship”) to Fast Company (“1 of the 25 Smartest Women On Twitter”) to Business Insider (“1 of the 100 Most Influential Tech Women On Twitter”) and Inc. (1 of “10 Most Well-Connected People in New York City's Startup Scene”). Empowering A Billion Women By 2020 included her on their list of the “100 Most Influential Global Leaders Empowering Women Worldwide”. Not bad for a former corporate lawyer. She’s a limited partner in two emerging tech funds (Laconia Capital Group and Lattice Ventures) and can frequently be found on Twitter @jkhoey.