#BYDNBYDN podcast

Do You Hate To Ask For Help?

By September 8, 2020No Comments
J. Kelly Hoey - Build Your Dream Network

If you hesitate to ask your network for help, you’re not alone. This reluctance can stem from feeling we don’t deserve assistance or fearing we’ll get rejected. Or often we simply don’t want to inconvenience the other person with our request. In this episode, Kelly shares how to overcome whatever is holding you back from approaching your network for help and explains how to put forward your ask in a way that won’t impose on others and will make it easy for them to say yes. 

Key takeaways:

  • Requesting help from people in your network can be intimidating, but don’t let that hold you back from reaching out in an intentional way.
  • Be aware of the current situations in the other person’s life, so that you can know what a reasonable request might be.
  • Do not assume your request would inconvenience them, ask the person in your network if they have the capacity to help you right now
  • Make your ask clear.

What to listen for:

  • 00:38    Why are we so hesitant to ask for help?
  • 02:12    Should you worry about inconveniencing another person with a networking “ask”?
  • 03:37    Secrets to overcoming the reluctance to reach out with a big networking “ask”
  • 04:03    How to find out if they have the capacity to help you right now
  • 05:50    Build Your Dream Network bottom line: make your ask clear.


“The failure to ask could be because we just don’t want to inconvenience the other person. Inconvenience is worth worrying about but it should not kibosh making an ask.” [02:27]

“Make your ask clear, and deliver it in a way that is highly convenient for the other person to provide you with an answer.” [05:53]

J. Kelly Hoey

J. Kelly Hoey

Kelly Hoey is the author of Build Your Dream Network (January 2017 / Tarcher Perigee). She has been lauded from Forbes (“1 of 5 Women Changing the World of VC/Entrepreneurship”) to Fast Company (“1 of the 25 Smartest Women On Twitter”) to Business Insider (“1 of the 100 Most Influential Tech Women On Twitter”) and Inc. (1 of “10 Most Well-Connected People in New York City's Startup Scene”). Empowering A Billion Women By 2020 included her on their list of the “100 Most Influential Global Leaders Empowering Women Worldwide”. Not bad for a former corporate lawyer. She’s a limited partner in two emerging tech funds (Laconia Capital Group and Lattice Ventures) and can frequently be found on Twitter @jkhoey.